If you’ve ever been involved in a long-term, committed relationship-— the kind that has ups, downs, bad days, and even bad years — you know that keeping your sex life consistently sexy can prove challenging. When you’re years or decades past that highly charged, passionate stage where your partner’s existence is reason enough to want to tear off his clothes, you need more than raging hormones and the excitement of an unfamiliar body to maintain a healthy sex life. So, what is it that those couples who still act like horny teenagers do to keep things fired up?
1. They Carve Out Time to Be Together Every Day
No matter how busy their days may be, couples who have great s*x make it a habit to prioritize spending time together — even if that means sneaking away for 10 minutes to talk, cuddle, touch, or do the deed.
“Highly intimate couples consciously set regular, intentional time to be intimate together, whether it is specifically sexual or not,” says Diana Daffner.”In our case, we practice what we preach and have a daily 10-minute union of sexual intimacy that brings joy and delight to the rest of our day.”
Of course, there will be days when you are unable to have sex or simply aren’t feeling it. The goal isn’t to force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, but to find other ways to keep intimacy alive (penis and vagina purely optional), even if that means holding hands on the couch and binge-watching Game of Thrones.
2. They Spend Time Apart
As great as it is to carve out time together, keeping part of your universe separate and pursuing your own interests makes you a more desirable partner. Think back to the thrill you got when you first met your partner and he seemed like an enigma — and have faith that you can replicate that feeling in a long-term relationship if you keep living a portion of your lives separate from one another.
“Distance gives you an opportunity to grow as individuals, cultivate mystery, and yearn for closeness,” says Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “Spending too much time together has the potential to suck the eroticism from a relationship, as the passion dwindles with familiarity.”
Keep your friends and regular nights out with them, learn another language even if your partner is happily monolingual, and make your hobbies as important as your date nights. The more interested you are in the world, the more interesting you are to one another as life partners — and that’s incredibly sexy.
3. They Talk About Sex
It’s easy to have a hot one-night stand, but hot sex on Day 1,194 takes work — and plenty of communication. Highly sexual couples don’t consider it taboo to clearly, and effectively, ask for what they want during s*x,listen to their partners’ needs, and — perhaps most importantly — to have a sense of humor when things don’t pan out in bed they way they had hoped.
“Research shows that talking about sex (even during sex) leads to more satisfying sex,” O’Reilly says. “And a new study reveals that those who believe in ‘sexual growth’ (the belief that you can work to improve sex and overcome challenges) have happier relationships than those who believe in ‘sexual destiny,’ the belief that if you’re meant to be together, the sex will follow.”
4. They Think Of ‘Love’ As a Verb, Not a Noun
Ever have a partner so into himself that the sex ends up being a one-sided nightmare that leaves you masturbating yourself to orgasm?Couples with great sex lives focus more on what they can give their partner than what they can get back in return — both in and out of the bedroom.